Defining My Dominance

I've always been very open minded about all things sexual. And I've always enjoyed control, but only from a vanilla perspective. Until 2008 anyway.

In the spring of 2008, I met a very special friend who is a female submissive. Although I had a vague notion of the BDSM world, I wanted to know her and that world better so I could understand her more thoroughly. So I set out to learn all I could looking to the internet mostly for information.

During this time I had a profile on a vanilla dating website where I had met a very interesting man with whom I'd engaged in many text and IM conversations about many subjects including sex. I knew he had some swinging experience and he seemed to as open minded about sex as I was. Despite the obvious connection, we never met and actually dated. Eventually I gave up thinking anything would ever happen with him and then one day, out of the blue, I received a random IM message from his that said, “Ever spanked a guy before?”

After I stopped laughing, we talked, and he revealed he'd been Dominant for years and had played with women on a regular basis but had recently come to discover that he really desired to be sexually submissive to one woman. He chose me.

Just prior to this I'd been involved with a woman who didn't identify herself as submissive but enjoyed spanking, among other things. Playing with her and seeing how much she LOVED being spanked helped me overcome the issues surrounding spanking that still lingered from my own childhood experiences.

Even with this experience, all the knowledge I'd acquired through reading and having a submissive friend, I wasn't completely prepared to try flexing my Dominant muscles until after I'd had several conversations with my submissive. He knew when he chose me I was inexperienced, but he saw in me what I hadn't fully recognized in myself and was willing to help bring it out.

The perfectionist in me drives my thirst for knowledge. I was/am determined to learn all I can about the D/s dynamic so that I can be the best Dominant I can be. This quest has proved to be enlightening (and erotic) beyond my wildest dreams.

Looking back I can see that I was Dominant all along. There were signs that I didn't recognize. The fact that I could really only cum when I was on top and in control until I became engaged in D/s. That I did not enjoy being told what to do, ever, but particularly in bed.

Since I've begun educating myself, I've found that I so easily identify with what other Dominants think and feel, and though I can comprehend the basic elements of D/s play such as humiliation and objectification, I can not imagine myself enjoying that kind of play from a submissive perspective. I respect it and respect submissives, but cannot identify with their desires at all.

Although things didn't work out with my first submissive, he truly helped open the door to this world, and I'll always be grateful. Perhaps I would have eventually stumbled up on it because looking back, it seems it has always lingered just below the surface of who I thought I was.

In my Dominance, I've found who I truly am and what I really want.