How to pique my interest

Let's face it. There are way more male submissives than truly Dominant women. This allows me to be very particular about who I choose to date and/or play with.

I can't speak for every other femdom, but I can tell you what I like to see, what behavior from a man piques my interest in him and his submission.

1. Be honest.
You'd think this would be a given, but sadly, it is not. Your relationship status impacts what types of interaction I'll be interested in. I'm always open for friendship, even with married guys, but if you aren't upfront about your status and it becomes evident later that you have a significant other, I'll lose all interest in you altogether.

Relationship status isn't the only area where I expect honesty. You should be honest in every area. And don't just tell me what you think I want to hear. You can be respectful and honest at the same time.

2. Tell me about the vanilla you.
If you're contacting me, I'm going to assume you're kinky. I promise that we'll have lots and lots of discussions about those kinky desires, yours and mine, but for me to even want to bother learning more, I need to know about what kind of man you are outside the bedroom.

3. Don't send me unsolicited nude pics.
Physical attraction is important, no doubt. And yes, if I'm even remotely interested in you and your submission, I'll want to see pictures of you. When that time comes, don't send me pictures of your cock, please. While a beautiful cock is a plus, I need to see your face because if all goes well, I'll be spending much more time looking at it than your cock.

4. Be respectful but don't worry so much about D/s protocol.
I enjoy being called Mistress. I even like it when subs use the capitalized pronouns when referring to me in writing. However, I don't require it. When I'm ready for you to call me Mistress, I'll let you know. Until then you should just call me Lilyana or Miss but never baby, honey or anything overly familiar.

5. Tell me why you desire me.
This isn't about massaging my ego. This is about letting me know you appreciate the things about me that make me unique. It also lets me know you're paying attention.

6. Let me know you're thinking about me.
Very little pleases me more than knowing a man is thinking about me. A text, short email or well worded IM letting me know I'm on your mind tells me I'm more to you than a fleeting desire for kink.

7. Do what you say you're going to do.
If you tell me you're going to do something, just do it. I understand that sometimes life gets in the way, truly I do. And when that happens, communicate and let me know. Otherwise I expect you to do what you say you're going to do. Anything less will disappoint me.

8. Don't be a doormat.
I want a boy who will submit to my desires, particularly in the bedroom. But I also need to be able to respect him. A little fear displayed in a scene can be hot but I don't want to see any evidence you're easily intimidated. Show me a little playful spunkiness but do so respectfully and I will be intrigued.

9. Be intelligent. If you aren't, at least be able to keep up.
I don't expect every boy to be a rocket scientist, but you should be able to speak to me about a range of subjects and do so intelligently enough to prevent me from becoming bored. Witty banter gets me hot so the better you're able to engage me in a playful way, the more interested I'll be in you.

10. Manage your jealousy effectively.
I find as a general rule that prospective male subs are not a jealous bunch. And there is something sweet about a sub's interest in what I'm doing with other subs now or have done with them in the past. However, there's a line where that interest that seems so sweet becomes something that feels like jealousy.

There's nothing wrong with letting me know you know that other men desire me in the ways that you do. In fact, I love that. It reminds me that you appreciate me. But don't be creepy about it. Remember that I'm in charge here and while I'll certainly take your concerns into consideration, in the end, I'm the one who decides how and when I'll interact with other guys.

11. Be ready to read about yourself or be ready to never read my blog or never follow my tweets.
It takes a pretty special guy to take me on knowing that I'll be tweeting and blogging about my adventures with him. And my adventures with whatever other men and/or women I decide to spend time with while we're together. I'll certainly be respectful of your privacy and would never do anything that would "out" you in the real world. To do so would also "out" myself and that's unacceptable. However, I know what steps to take to protect myself and you and will do everything I can in that vein. You'll just have to trust me on that one.

I'll probably tell you when I write about you. I find that it often adds to the humiliation. I may even post your naughty pics or share them with my Domme friends. Be prepared to read any of the sordid details in our encounters. If this is too much for you, be prepared to know it's happening but never look at my writing or tweets.

This list is, by all means, not meant to be complete. I've gotta keep 'em guessing. ;)

Resources for budding femdoms

In yesterday's post, "Hope for male subs in vanilla marraiges" I suggested a couple of ways submissive males in vanilla marriages might be able to cultivate the "Domme within" their spouse. If that is successful, she'll need help and guidance or, at the very least, confirmation she's not alone.

I'd like to recommend Akasha's Web for resources for budding femdoms. Akasha has put together a collection of thoughtfully written suggestions and guidelines in the Women Only section of her wesbite. There are others sources, of course. I personally learned a lot from the BDSM Forum on Literotica but there is a lot to weed through to pull out the real gems. I only wish someone had pointed me toward's Akasha's Web!

It is certainly not the only site with good info, but I highly recommend it as a great place for women with domination aspirations to start.

Oh and Akasha's erotica isn't bad either. HOTT and full of great ideas.

Hope for male subs in vanilla marriages

Trust me when I say there are a lot of married men who are submissive and their wives have no clue. I know because invariably, they find me, and other Dommes I'm sure, and want a woman to dominate them. A woman who is not their wife.

At first I was very sympathetic. Poor guy got trapped in a marriage with someone who doesn't understand his special needs.

That's bullshit. Almost without exception the married men I've come across knew they were submissive before they married. They knew they craved the dominance of a woman and they chose someone who couldn't give it to them.

Or did they?

I have recently changed my theory on this subject. I now think that if a submissive man picked a woman to marry, she's probably got Dominant characteristics even if she's unaware of it.

And it's my theory that if a woman has Dominant characteristics and someone who will nurture and celebrate that within her, she just might evolve into a Domme with a bit of assistance.

So let's say you're a submissive male in a vanilla marriage. What do you do?

In an ideal world, you'd be able to sit down and rationally explain your kinky desires.

Does anyone live in an ideal world?

My fall back suggestion has always been to slowly introduce the wife to femdom porn. Not the forced bi, strap-on play or even extreme humiliation femdom porn you probably enjoy, not initially anyway. Perhaps you could ramp up to that, but some mild femdom porn could be a conversation starter for you anyway. "Honey that was really hot. Do you think you'd enjoy telling me what to do in bed sometime?"

Now I have a new suggestion - one that will make you her slave for a day or a weekend. If you play it right, maybe you could even turn it into a permanent gig.

Make a bet with your wife. Sports, weather related, whatever. Just make sure it's something you're sure to lose. The loser of this bet would then be required to serve as the other's slave for a designated period of time. A day. A weekend.

I'm guessing a vanilla woman with a slave at her disposal is immediately going to come up with house chores and maintenance for her new slave. And being the submissive male that you are, you'll probably even enjoy it.

But you can take it further. Ask her what you should wear while you do these chores for her. Be a good pet and thank her for your assignments. Kneel at her feet whenever you can. Offer to massage her, bring her favorite beverage to her while she relaxes without being asked. Basically, offer her a taste of what it's like to be in charge and be treated like the goddess she surely is.

If she has even a smidge of dominance in her, she'll adore being adored and served. You may even gradually be able to work in more sensual service activities. If nothing else, after the designated period of service you can let her know how much you enjoyed serving her and doing as she desired. Perhaps you can even suggest that you'd enjoy being told what to do to please her in bed.

You might not be able to fully cultivate the Domme within and establish a 24/7 relationship, but perhaps you could at the very least help her harness her feminine power in the bedroom.

My boy, fireboytoy

D/s relationship status: former submissive

Relationship status: none

Fireboytoy is an experienced submissive in his late 30's. He was in the process of moving to Las Vegas from the east coast when we met

Read blogs about fireboytoy

'Sub shock' by @prokink

I've coined the term “sub shock” to describe the catharsis of emotions a sub experiences after doing something for me that shakes them to the core of their manliness.

No matter how many times it happens, it still catches me by surprise. A perfectly enthusiastic sub will occasionally completely freak out on me after a scene. They'll completely shut down and refuse to talk to me. It is particularly difficult with an online sub who will often go AWOL on me.

The first time this happened with me with my pet, I tried to find blogs written by male subs that address the conflicting feelings that arise from reconciling a man's desire to please with his masculinity. There were none.

@prokink, a male sub I met via twitter, volunteered to write on this subject from the male sub perspective. I hope that you find his insights helpful no matter which side of the flogger you're on.

I have been a lifestyle sub for over 14 years and have had vast experiences that have shaped and forged me into the person I am today. By far, the most difficult aspect for me in the beginning was dealing with emotional and mental issues resulting from humiliation and degradation play. More specifically, the emotional burden from strap-on play, panty play, dildo worship, etc...

I'm consider myself a fairly typical professional male- I am 6'-4” and 215 lbs, well spoken, educated and have never had an issue meeting woman. Great for me, eh? Well therein lies the issues that makes some aspects of submission quite difficult to deal with.

How could I reconcile the societal norms of being a man's man all the while wearing panties out in public, eating my own cum or get fucked mercilessly by a strap-on wielding Domme?

My experience with sub shock:

I had just started a wonderful relationship with a Domme and we were out at dinner together. I was 18 or 19 at the time and was a raging ball of hormones. I recall this beautiful girl walking across the room and I glanced at her for a second.

I looked back at my Domme and she smiled at me and asked, "Would you like to fuck her?"

I said, “Yes, Ma'am I would.” She smirked and we continued on with dinner. My fate had been sealed.

Fast forward a few hours and I found myself quite excited being naked, on my knees and awaiting my Domme. At that point, I had no idea this was to be a night I would never forget.

She came into the room, asked me to look at her and asked if I enjoyed disrespecting her at dinner. I knew EXACTLY what she was talking about and I apologized and said I didn't mean to. She said that it's okay, and that I was going to learn to appreciate that which I had in front of me.

I was bent over a bench and pounded by her strap-on for over 30 minutes with a condom on to prevent my goo from dripping everywhere. I was constantly being asked if this is exactly what I wanted to do to that girl at dinner. She asked me why was I crying and whimpering when she was just doing the exact thing I wanted to do to the girl.

Needless to say it was the longest, most humiliating 30 minutes of my life.

She said the best part of sex is the orgasm and that she wanted me to cum, and I gleefully did. It was the only distraction from the discomfort and burning of her constant pounding.

When I came, she pulled out and asked me to remove the condom and look at it. She then took the condom from my hand and leaned over and whispered into my ear that I wasn't finished yet and that I was to swallow the mess. I objected and she said that wasn't a democracy and to open wide.

She laughed, and dumped the contents of the condom down my throat. I gagged and coughed all the while she was berating me for being so inconsiderate to her and that I was just being treated like a good little slut.

She concluded the session and began a bit of aftercare. I shut down and asked if I could be alone. I began to cry. I was angry, humiliated, sad, confused and incredibly hurt.

A line had been crossed. I had been fucked in the ass and I swallowed cum. I had crossed the line into "homosexual" behavior and don't know how it happened.

I fought this in my mind for weeks. Am I now gay? What are my friends going to think if they find out? Why did she do this so me and why/how did I let it happen? Was I wrapped up in the moment? Was I gay and this finally drew it out of me?

I had questions like this for WEEKS. I spoke with my Domme about it and even then I didn't feel any better about the situation. I couldn't reconcile that night with all of the emotional issues it had conjured up. I took me a long time to come to terms with all of the barriers that had been torn down.

During our conversations I kept telling her things that just didn't make sense. Then she asked me two questions that drew it all together for me:

Did I love her and what did that mean to me in terms of submission?

I responded yes and it meant that I would do anything i was capable of to please her. She smiled and reassured me that night, I did exactly that.

Here is what I learned and what helped me reconcile my humiliation, anger and confusion ...

1. It's not about me. EVER.
2. My submission to her is a gift, her acceptance of it is a gift as well. It is a special and finite element of our relationship.
3. My mission is to please her. Trust dictates that her being happy is in my best interest and that my well being is her concern as well. In other words, if she's happy, you'll be happy.
4. Her violation of my body was demonstrative proof that I was serious about HER. It was a selfless act and that is the very essence of submission. Being selfless to please her.
5. The very private, intimate things we did were between HER and me. Not between society's norms and us, not what my friends think and us. It was just her and me with no deeper meaning than it was Her will.
6. When I am humiliated, I am humbled. When I am humbled, I am checking my macho bullshit at the door. When it's checked at the door I am focusing on her. When I focus on her, I AM A BETTER MAN. 
7. When I have my limits pushed, I am demonstrating dedication to her. Words mean nothing. Action is all that counts.
8. It wouldn't be domination if I only got what I wanted. See rule #1.
9. When I am uncomfortable - Wearing panties under my clothes, wearing a chastity belt all week, sleeping on the floor in my own house, walking around with humiliating words written in marker all over my body, eating dinner from a bowl on the ground with no hands - I am distracted from day to day things and I am thinking of her. When I am devoting time to thinking about her I am a better sub, I am a better man.
10. She wants a happy, dedicated sub as much as you want a dedicated Domme.

If you are a sub, remember that when you're confused or freaking out because of a scene, your servitude is being tested and your discomfort means that your limits are being pushed. Relax, this is a great thing and just focus on pleasing your Dom/me. S/he will take care of the rest. :)

Many thanks to @prokink for volunteering to write this and for sharing what must be such intimate thoughts and feelings with my readers.

Akasha's chastity training for my brit

My brit has flaked on me twice. The first time I chalked it up to newby nerves and gave him a second chance. The second time, I felt I couldn't take him back no matter how much he begged and pleaded.

And let me tell you, my brit is VERY good at begging.

My brit was considering doing Akasha's training class. This session's theme is "Relentless" and it focuses on chastity. I encouraged him to do the training because I know Akasha and feel like her training would be a safe way for him to engage in submission even without submitting to one Domme in a way that he was officially owned.

He continues to be sincere about wanting to come back to me. Knowing how brutal Akasha's training would be, I made my brit a deal. If he can successfully complete Akasha's chastity training, I will consider taking him back.

Training began Friday. The first lesson instructs "You do not have to put on your chastity device yet, and, in fact, I want you to jerk off 5 times each day for the next two days. But no cumming."

Below is the IM conversation I had with my brit as he was completing his first assignment.

my brit: God I need to cum now
Mistress Lilyana: Hehehe
Mistress Lilyana: You won't cum for a month LOL.
my brit: Really?!
Mistress Lilyana: Um yeah. You're in chastity training. What did you think that meant? LOL.
my brit: Too late to back out now
Mistress Lilyana: Good answer!
my brit: But I am feeling tempted already to cum!
my brit: It's very difficult
my brit: oh dear i've made a big wet spot on my knickers already!
Mistress Lilyana: Hehehe

His  knickers, by the way, are very cute pink bikini panties with black polka dots that tie on the sides with black ribbon.

As the conversation continued, my brit only continued to get worked up much to my delight. I could't help but ask the obvious:

Mistress Lilyana: Will it be worth it?
Mistress Lilyana: Doing all this so that I can torture you again?
my brit:  It will be worth every pang of desire I have to cum, every shade of red I turn as I humiliate myself, and every single last second I spend completing this training

THAT is why my brit is earning another chance with me. :)

THIS is why he amuses me so:

my brit: You;'ll let me cum more than once a month though right?;)

Poetry from a prospective sub

The following poem was sent to me by a prospective sub I have been speaking with. I thought this was so nice that I wanted to share it with my blog readers, with his permission of course.

In this moment, I am alive again
This moment when She enters the room
A whisper that becomes a caress
Sweet words that bind me
She is stern serenity
A merciful Goddess
Once I sought escape
No longer
All roads lead inevitably to her
I am eternally grateful
I see the purity in her eyes
And I am lost
She raises her hand to me
Whether to praise or punish me, I do not care
I am Hers

FWB with my FMT

If you follow my blog or my tweets, you'll probably know about the saga with my FMT, the only vanilla-ish guy I've dated this year.

The short story is we dated, but not exclusively, broke up after nearly 8 months then decided to be friends. When we saw each other after that, it was clear things between us weren't through. We were unable to keep our hands off each other and although I didn't let things progress, I remembered how incredible our chemistry is and wanted to experience that again. And again.

After some discussion, we decided to be friends with benefits. For those of you not familiar with the term, friends with benefits (FWB) are friends who may a have sexual relationship or near sexual relationship without expecting a more formal or traditional relationship as a goal.

Being FWBs is something I'm very good at. When I know things can't progress beyond enjoying each other's friendship and enjoying each other in bed, I'm able to separate my emotions from everything and simply enjoy what we have.

In the past the FWB arrangement has worked particularly well for me with women. We get to enjoy each other's deliciousness without the trials and tribulations, hopes and fears and other crap that goes along with full fledged relationships.

Being FWBs with my FMT is also a good choice because I can satisfy my carnal needs with someone I know and trust. In my old age I've begun to turn my nose up at casual sex. I never was really a fan anyway.

Last Monday night, we test drove our new FWB relationship. The sex was just as yummy as I remember it being when we were dating and in many ways, I sensed it was even more intimate.

Yes I said it. Intimate. Intimate sex with the guy who has intimacy issues. *eye roll*

I refuse to read into that and will accept things at face value. It was super hot nearly vanilla sex with a guy with which I have great chemistry. And I'll leave it at that and just hope for more.

I guess you could say the saga with my FMT ends here as it is both our intent to ensure our arrangement remains drama free.

Do I believe that? Maybe. Part of me sincerely hopes that it is true. Most of me. It would be beautifully simple if we could pull it off. Why wouldn't I want to keep my FMT as a friend with those yummy benefits while I'm waiting for the boyfriend/sub of my dreams to appear?

Furniture I must acquire

I'm pretty sure that I desperately need this Tantra Chair to become part of my home. It could use some tie down points but other than that, it's pretty much perfect. Check out the Tantra Chair website for more info and hot pics.

And no, they aren't paying me to endorse their product. But if they wanted to send me a sample to test drive, I'm thinking they should send the models along with it. That would ensure a raving review from me!

Cumboy's last cock shopping assignment

This was the last assignment that cumboy did for me before he decided to decided he needed to spend time in the southwestern jungles of Tanzania rescuing orphaned chimps. Or something like that.

One morning in early September, I asked cumboy to boy put on the girliest sissy panties he has and tie a pretty bow around his little "clit." Then, while he was rubbing himself through his pretty panties, I had him cock shopping for me.

This was not cumboy's first time cock shopping for me and he's become rather good at it. He was on craigslist and had sent me a picture of a beautiful cock within a matter of minutes. He's cock shopped for me enough that he knows precisely what kind of cock will please me. (Pictured left)

Then I asked him to message the cock's owner. This is what he sent:

Hello Sir,

i came across your ad on Craigslist today and i wanted to tell you how pretty your cock is. I would really enjoy sucking it in front of my Mistress while wearing frilly panties (attached photo). As we believe that cocksuckers should wear panties.

i also wanted to let you know that i am wearing a bow around my cock all day (attached photo) for you to remind me how much of a sissy cocksucker i am.

Thank you,
cumboy

Cumboy spent the remainder of the day with his clit tied up and in a state of erection or semi erection. Of course this was immensely arousing for me, too.

Cumboy isn't really in Tanzania. There may be orphaned chimps in need of rescuing, but he's not the one doing it. We still talk nearly every day and will probably always be friends. I miss him calling me Mistress. However, I know for a fact I can still make him blush even without cock shopping assignments. And probably always will.