Trying casual play

I'm playing with the girl again tomorrow night. It'll be the first time we've played in 9 months or so and I'm looking forward to it.

No, she's not my sub anymore nor is she hoping to be again. She's a bottom who enjoys playing with Dominant females and is happy that way.

I'm not usually a fan of this kind of casual play. I know it's fun for others but I've never felt it would be fulfilling to me.

Until now. Now it seems pretty perfect.

My (former) sub and I continued playing and dating even after we broke up in November. The dating may have been casual after that but the play never was.

Play with him was amazing. Our kinks were almost perfectly matched. He was wonderfully strong in his vanilla life and beautifully submissive to me. The boy lived to make me orgasm and could do so like no one I've ever met. And I craved his every moan, whimper and growl like a PMS'ing woman craves chocolate.

I still do.

We're no longer seeing each other at all. His hours spent between my thighs have come to an end. I'll never hurt his cock again and feel it get harder or make him whimper with just a few whispered words.

As I consider my current and future play options, I find myself excited to play with the girl again. However, when I think about playing with another boy ... I feel an ache I can't describe. I actually teared up last week thinking about it.

Now you know a good chunk of the real reason I'm taking a break from D/s relationships at the moment.
And why casual play seems like a more palatable idea.

I've always turned down opportunities for casual play up until recently. I wanted the play I had to be with someone with whom I connected and with whom I had a chance of some type of a future. It was important to me.

But as I'm taking the time to heal and while I'm taking a serious look at what I want in the future, I still NEED the play.

It's not about getting laid. I can do that without involving a submissive. It's that my brain needs that stimulation I get only from controlling someone who submits control to me.

So tomorrow night the girl will call me Mistress again, serve my every whim and submit to whatever I desire. But just during the time we are together. Once we part, our D/s relationship ceases unless or until we decide to play again.

While this is not normally something that would appeal to me, it's what I think I can handle at the moment.

More than that, I think it's what I NEED. I need to be able to play and not worry about the future and relationships and just enjoy D/s play at a primal level.