Romantic shit

I once had a potential bring me my favorite lavender roses with a bottle of my favorite wine. He scored serious points for his sweetness AND for paying attention. And to this day, a picture of the roses he gave me is the background on my phone.

But this guy is the exception, not the rule, at least in my world.

Perhaps there is something about me that repels romantic gestures. Maybe I'm too independent. It's true. I'll buy my own damn flowers. Maybe guys can sense that about me. 

But I wonder if maybe it's my dominance. 

Nodder once told me, "It's tough for me to sweep you off your feet when I feel like I should be kissing them." Whenever I long for a guy to be all romantic and shit, I remember those words and wonder if the very thing that makes me ME is the very thing that's inhibiting a guy's desire to be romantic. 

This troubles me so I asked around. One vanilla guy I know told me he couldn't ever be submissive because he's such a romantic. This fascinated me and I had to know why. 

"When I think of romancing a woman, I think of it coming from a position of confidence and strength.  Sort of the proud hunter bringing in his quarry.  So I think the power relationship in that case is very much titled in the man's favor." Femdom relationships, not so much.

This made me think back to the romantic gestures I have received over the past few years from males and I was startled to realize they were almost exclusively from vanilla guys, Doms and switches - all definitely the hunter type.

Another friend of mine, a male sub, pointed out that males, generally speaking, are bad with romantic gestures. He also suggested that most male subs start with bad porn and that bad porn typically portrays female dominants to be much different than I am. 

"Even if they get past the habits and attitudes engendered by bad porn, they are more likely to have played with someone who uses her dominance as a personal shield. So then when they get to you, they've got to shed all these layers. They have to know that kink is only a part of who you are and what you want the relationship to be."

Well, here's the thing. I can demand things and certain behavior. I can assign tasks that yield romantic results. But what I really want is a guy that'll do those things unprompted just to make me smile. 

And yeah, kink is only part of who I am. I want so much more out of relationship than that. I want all the kink AND all the romantic shit. 

Leave a sweet note on my car. Send flowers to me at my office. Take me on a picnic in the mountains. Do romantic shit. Woo me. Sweep me off my feet, damnit.