It's like a real relationship

So you may have noticed I snuck in a blog last week without explaining why I have not really written in ten months or tell you what I've been doing during that time.

And if you're a long time reader of mine, you may have noticed the blog was about nodder, a former sub of mine that I began seeing almost four years ago.

Yep, he's back.

The truth is that he's been back in my life for a while now. And maybe if I'm being totally honest with myself, he'd never truly left. Sure, he'd moved a few states away. And yeah, we've both dated other people. But since he first messaged me on fetlife fours years ago, he's had my heart. It's just taken every bit of those four years for us to get our shit together and form a semblance of a healthy, sustainable relationship.

Things are really, really good for us and seem to be getting better every day. We've woven each other into our day to day lives becoming the couple I never seriously considered we could be. We know each others friends. We have TV shows we watch together. He has a shelf in my closet and some of his clothes always end up in my laundry. I have "boy soap" in my shower and a bottle of his antacid in my kitchen. He has a key to my house. He's even met my mother.

It's like a real relationship.

And while I'm still poly, I'm not seeing other guys. I've chosen to focus on my relationship with nodder and allow my relationships with my play partners to evolve into friendships.

I do still see and enjoy Elle though. She's the lesbian loophole to our monogamous relationship and one that neither nodder nor I feel that I should give up.

The D/s is still there with nodder and it's as hot as it ever was. We've even ventured into new areas of interest as well as pushed existing boundaries. But it's also different, less formal.

He's every bit as good at taking care of me as he's ever been. He still enjoys serving me and I definitely still enjoy being served. But he does it without calling me Mistress. We've somehow evolved away from the honorifics and what little protocol I previously required.  

I can't say I don't sometimes miss the more formalized D/s we once had. And I know if I wanted it back, he'd be game for it. Yet somehow, this more casual D/s relationship seems to better fit the more serious dating relationship we have now.

I also feel like I need that layer of formality less. Over the years I've grown more comfortable with who I am and I guess who I am is a little less Mistressy than I'd previously thought.

Don't get me wrong. I still LOVE control. I still love tease and denial, rope and humiliation. I still love seeing him on his knees for me and I'm still sadistic as fuck. It's just woven into our relationship so tightly that we don't need the pomp and circumstance surrounding D/s protocol anymore.

Up until recently, I've been very careful not to publicize our relationship in both our kinky and our vanilla social media circles. I've been calling him "the boy" on twitter and, until a couple of weeks ago, I hadn't been tagging him in my vanilla Facebook pictures.

It has been nice to spend these months nurturing our renewed relationship (not to mention playing) without a few thousand extra sets of eyeballs "watching." However, I've missed writing this blog very much and as I wrote "Shaved head," I knew it was time to begin sharing again through this blog.

I've realized that while our relationship is still rather fragile, I'm ready to share my happiness (and hotness) with the world again.

Shaved head

"How do you feel about shaving my head?" nodder asked.

"About you having a shaved head or me shaving it?"

"Either. Both. What do you think?"

"I think it's a great idea."

"You do?"

I had to laugh. Of course I thought it was a good idea. Shaved heads are sexy.

I told him to get in my large, garden tub. He stripped, stepped in and knelt without my asking. I smiled at his submissiveness, sat on the edge of the tub and grabbed the clippers. I must have been grinning.

"You're enjoying this aren't you?"

"Yep," I said, the clippers rattling to life in my hand. He bowed his head.

I pushed the clippers through his soft hair watching it part from his scalp and scatter to the bottom of the tub. I'd never shaved someone's head before but I wasn't scared.

When I paused to remove the clipper guard, he leaned over and pressed his lips to the inside of my thigh. I laughed softly and ran my palm over his closely shorn scalp. He moaned and pushed his head into my hand like a cat wanting to be petted.

"You want to see how it looks now?" It was short but not shaved. I wanted to give him one last chance to back out.

"No. Do you like it?"

"Yeah. Do you still want to shave it all the way?"

"Do you?"

"Yes."

"Ok, let's do it."

I used the clippers all over. His hair was as short as it could be without a razor. I turned on the faucet, warming the water, and then used the hand held shower massager to rinse away the hair I'd just cut. 

I handed him the hand held shower massager and then I reached for my honey mango shaving cream. 

"Have I ever told you about this shaving cream?" I asked as I squeezed a dollop into my palm. 

"No, I don't think so."

"It actually makes good lube." I said, slowly rubbing the cream into his scalp.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yes. My first girlfriend and I once used it to play in the bath tub. And then afterwards, she used it to masturbate because it reminded her of me."

"Mmmmm," he moaned. Was it because he was thinking of me with her or was it because I was rubbing his head? I couldn't tell.

I picked up a pink razor and began the final step to giving him a gloriously shaved head. As I shaved his head, he bathed my legs and feet with warm water, his hands following the water with loving caresses. It felt wonderful and was more than a little distracting. Still, I managed to shave his head without nicking his skin. 

I used the razor on his scalp from multiple angles, my palm following my strokes trying to detect anything I'd missed. Finally, when I was through, I took the hand held shower massager from him and began to rinse his scalp. 

He lifted his head and looked up at me through the water rolling down his face, eyelashes damp and dark around his big brown eyes that were as full of submission, as sexy as they'd ever been when he had hair.

Sexier even.

Romkink - by the writer

Last August I wrote about my frustration with the lack of romantic gestures I see from male subs. It was a subject I'd debated on twitter with a couple of my favorite Femdoms, Ferns and Dumb Domme. After my post, Ferns shared her thoughts on her blog. The subject was revisited by Dumb Domme recently, and then again by Ferns. After the writer had read their blogs, he asked if he could write a post on the subject. I thought it would be great to feature a sub's perspective on the subject. 

I call it romkink -- that mixture of kink and romance that Lilyana, Ferns, and Dumb Domme have been blogging about. From a male sub perspective, there's nothing more intoxicating -- and, perhaps, interestingly contradictory. Because what I want (and, oh, do I love romkink) is for the sub to be very, very specific and the Domme not to be specific at all.

Why? First of all, it's all about emotion. In that, romkink is no different from any other kind of romance. I've been in relationships where the kink is only in the bedroom, a spice. In that case, the romance is separate and apart from anything kinky. I've been in kinky relationships where romance is not only not required but not wanted. But romkink means the two are bound up together -- the romance is all about the love of the woman to whom I'm submitting.

When I submit without romance, it's all about the acts. When I submit romantically, it's about my emotional bond to my mistress. The sexual rush is the same with or without the romance. But the emotional rush that accompanies romkink is mind-bending. She could say, "walk around the block," and I would get hard.

What she can't say is "buy me some flowers." At that point, buying flowers becomes a task. That's not the same as "I may be a Domme, but I still want romance in my relationships." If I hear that, she’s not creating a task. She’s telling me something about what she craves and something about herself.

That leaves it up to me to figure out what she would find romantic. And that's where the sub's specificity comes in. The only way to be romantic (in a kinky or entirely vanilla relationship) is to know your love very, very well. To show your Domme that you are truly interested in her -- not just her play. To know what excites her, certainly. But also to know whether she loves flowers or has hay fever.

My favorite romantic gesture is to give a present when there is no reason at all. Not on her birthday or your play anniversary or a holiday. Giving a gift just because you see something she would love.

Of course, to know what that is, you have to know what she loves. You have to have paid attention. One of the most romantic things I've ever given Lilyana was a plastic jug of Bloody Mary mix. It didn't look romantic at all. It looked industrial. But I knew that she loved that drink, and I knew she couldn't get this mix where she lives. And we'd talked enough about her tastes that I knew the exact spice quotient of this would please her. And it did. Her delight was as thrilling to me as a red ass or a month in chastity.

When I write erotica for her, I write about things I know she finds exciting. I don't add fantasies that excite me but don't excite her. I wrote to woo her, I wrote when we played long distance, and I write now that we are non-playing friends. Each story is a gift, tailored to her.

And when I write romkink, I don't just strive to make her wet. I strive to lace the story with my love for her. To keep it hot and kinky but very, very deeply emotional. To make it clear that the act of writing itself is an expression of how she stirs not just my cock but my soul.

I wrote this because LIlyana and I have discussed romkink. Because I knew she wanted new material for her blog. Being submissive, I asked her whether she would like me to do this. And only when she said yes did I sit down and compose what you’ve just read, clearing time in my day so I could give her a small gift.

This post is a romantic gesture.