Playing with (and kissing) bon-bon again

Bon-bon walked in to find me lounging on his sofa, sipping Riesling, watching porn and texting my friend. Ever the good boy, he came to me and kissed my hand in greeting.

"Hello, Mistress."

He looked delicious as he always does in the crisply pressed white shirt and jeans I'd requested he wear to work that day. But perhaps even more delicious was the anxiety that rolled off of him in waves. 

It had been a couple of years since we had  played together but he knew that little fact wouldn't buy him any leeway with me thanks to our texts the night before our first play date. 

"Getting very excited about this... Kinda nervous."

"I promise not to kill you or permanently injure you."

"I am putting myself totally in your care and I know that you will protect me."

"No, I'll most certainly hurt you but you'll enjoy letting me."

And during the two times we've played since, I've certainly hurt him and he's definitely enjoyed letting me. 

During the first session, I tied his wrists with my beautiful scarlet hemp rope that had been neglected for far too long. I secured it to the stairway bannister so that his hands were stretched over his head and I could admire his sculpted body completely before I unloaded my impact toys and beat him with most everything in my bag. 

During our second session, I switched between deceptively sweet strokes to his cock and hard smacks while I watched his face contort from adoration to something akin to surprise and pain and back again. 

His responses were as beautiful as I remembered. What I'd forgotten, but was reminded of again quickly, was how much he seemed to crave my kisses. As he knelt naked before me, he couldn't seem to get enough of kissing me. Even blindfolded and taking whatever pain I dealt out, he turned to me seeking my lips and my tongue frequently. 

And in that way, I did not deny him. 

She's baaaaaack!

Nodder has been in and out of my life for five years as a play partner, lover and much much more.

In February, things ended. He moved out of my home and, eventually, out of my state. We continued talking until April when I finally severed ties completely. 

It's been difficult in some ways but overall, it's been much easier to get over the love of my life than it should have been. Certainly easier this time than the other times we've broken up. I should probably go into detail on why but I won't. It's a very un-sexy explanation. 

Let's just say I lost myself and leave it at that. 

I also lost my Mistressness - my sexy, sadistic side - the thing that attracted nodder to me in the first place. He didn't take it with him when he left. It had been eroded slowly over time as I fell more in love with him. 

I've always found it difficult to be a good Domme to someone I love. For me, it takes a little distance to dominate someone well. But being IN love with my sub seems to make domming even more challenging for me. 

Cohabitation didn't help matters. It was impossible for me to feel dominant after working all day and coming home to a messy house when he'd spent the day napping and watching TV. 

My main love language is service. It makes me hot to have a guy do things for me. I came home once to a clean kitchen and was instantly wet. Unfortunately, that only happened once. 

Don't get me wrong. I didn't expect him to be some kind of slave and he wasn't a lazy bum. But a little more help would have gone a long way. I just didn't feel dominant when I was picking up his socks off the floor and, admittedly, I found it difficult to articulate that effectively to him. 

While I did, in fact, feel my dominant desires fading during the last six months of our relationship, our domestic bliss more than made up for it. The pseudo-vanilla sex (I cannot say it was ever totally vanilla) was amazing and we'd built a happy life together. I enjoyed having him as a partner and barely missed my Mistressness. 

And I didn't miss it much after he left, at least not right away. In the months after our breakup, as I began to heal and find myself again, I would occasionally feel a fleeting pang of dominant desire. However, it took a visit from Dr Dom / Mr Subby to reawaken my Mistressness. 

After a year apart, his visit was more about reconnection than kink. Still, his yummy subbiness and the fact that we'd completed one item off my kinky bucket list left me feeling adored and powerful. I'd found my RAWR again. 

And now, seven months post breakup, one of my favorite boy toys, bon-bon, is back for more. 

As I plot and plan for our playtime next week, as I carefully consider every kinky detail, I hear a little voice saying, 

"She's baaaaaack!"

And I feel more like me than I have in a really, really long time.